Loving ourselves means allowing us to love ourselves through thought, perspective, and action. To think a dis-empowering thought, to hold a negative perception of the world, to take a derogatory action OR refuse to take an empowering action, is not expressing self-love.
Do you fight to allow someone to love and give to you? Do you deflect, or say, ” Oh no, you can’t do that” or feel like you have to return something to them because they wanted to give to you? Not self-love.
When Lanny wanted to take me to Hawaii, I thought, “I only go to Hawaii first class.” And he said ok. And then I started thinking it wasn’t fair that he paid for everything…that he treated me. How can I do my part? What can I financially take part in? Handle? Be responsible for?
Now, that feeeeeels to me like I am a responsible person. The actual core belief behind it was: “My heart only stays open when I give. Not when I receive.” So I want to bring this to your attention, because this is another example of how we are not integrating around what we want. I consciously want a man who will “take care of me.” But subconsciously there is another tape playing. I can’t feel love unless I’m doing the taking care of. This was modeled all my life by an alcoholic father who couldn’t hold a job, and a mother who gave and gave and gave – keeping it all going. Deanna’s childhood message: Love=Giving…Yourself up. This does not represent integration towards, “I want a man who will take care of me.”
Through the years I have worked on this scenario, improved it, and become more conscious of the subconscious challenge. Hawaii was another giant leap forward for me. I realized that much of the tension, when it existed, between Lanny and I was when all he wanted to do was to give. Period. And I couldn’t justify my love if I didn’t feel like I was giving as much. But the giving was not the giving of love. It was the giving of expenses and responsibilities which I THOUGHT was love.
I relinquished. I let him take me. Do you know this is the first time in my life anyone ever took me anywhere, except for the Viking River Cruise which, you guessed it, Lanny treated me to? Now that was loving myself. Allowing someone else to love and take care of me. I have to tell you, it’s nice. It’s really, really nice. The Universe is waiting for you to say Yes! Take care of me! I don’t have to trade you anything. I just have to love myself enough to allow it. Let’s go! You’ll like it. I promise. Say yes.