Here we are at yet another beautiful destination wedding celebrating two lives bonding together for, hopefully, a lifetime of celebrations. I was looking forward to a little down time. No business phone calls. No putting out fires. Just two days of relaxing for a few glorious hours around the pool until the early evening festivities began. It wasn’t to be.
Late Wednesday I got an audition. Yes, I had been claiming more auditions with great material. I guess I forgot to be clear with the Universe that I also wanted to be able to get to those auditions in an easy and effortless way. It was going to be impossible from Arizona, where we were to be gathered for this beautiful celebration. Now, I want you to read this next part very carefully: If all of you is not in harmony with what you are asking, if there is any part of you in conflict with what you are asking, then the manifestation shows up like this. Harder. More struggle. Not as fun.
I remember my reaction as I opened the email: Damn! My energy dropped. I could feel me diving into the land of victimness. Why, when I got what I had asked for, was my immediate reaction not celebration, but heavy struggle? Somewhere I was in conflict with myself. Our mental minds go right to: BUT now I either have to change my plans or not do this audition that I said I wanted. But we all know that is not the real core. Something…some wonderful pony…is lying in all this poop.
I wanted to know the truth. I began allowing all those subconscious diamonds that needed to be mined come up. I remembered how I used to celebrate acting, celebrate auditioning, celebrate the whole process and experience of being an actor. I could trace years when I celebrated just going to class. And then being successful. And then I remembered a time when my career was “taken away from me,” and acting became hard. That experience took away my knowing, and the celebration stopped. And the hard work to make a living began. And we all know that does not create your desires.
I wasn’t celebrating this audition because I was battling an industry that I…I…I had created against me because of that very long ago experience. And I had been doing it for years. And then it occurred to me: that is what was modeled to me as a young girl. My father was always sabotaged and had things taken away which was why he never was successful. That belief had lay dormant for many years, and reactivated itself with a vengeance when that unfortunate time befell me.
So here I am in Arizona, using my time that was meant to be relaxing at the pool…shooting scenes on my IPhone to email back to my agent. But I was not doing it celebrating my opportunity.
It occurred to me that in the relationship I was here to celebrate, that they were not waiting to celebrate. They were getting married because they WERE celebrating each other. This beautiful manifestation was BECAUSE they had lived in celebration of what they wanted to create. And so, therein lies my challenge, and all of our challenges: to celebrate the living and the creating and the excitement and the journey before we get it, while we have the opportunities to create it, and in spite of all the setbacks to achieving it. To live in the celebration of the journey. To live in the celebration and joy of who we are. And then, we live in celebration. Period. Yippee!