I just watched Paul Simon sing Bridge Over Troubled Water at the DNC. It was moving considering the context. But as I listened to the words, I felt a whole new meaning from them.
I have been through a rather dark spell. I do not deny it. Some anger, some depression, some doubt, some blaming fingers eager to point out why I “am feeling this way.” Sure, I know we are living in the world of contrasts. Sure I know we have to experience what we don’t want to know what we do want blah, blah, blah. But the truth is…I was feeling dark. I was feeling out of my light. And it didn’t feel good. It felt…bad. And I didn’t like it. I reached out to friends who could help because I know community matters so much in helping us to re-balance and hold the balance.
But as I listened to Paul’s song, it occurred to me that ultimately I had to be my own bridge. I had to walk the talk of what I teach. I had to experience the seeming inability to do that: the inability to choose to be happy no matter what. And I think that point was the deepest hell I traveled to: knowing I had made the choice and that…it didn’t seem to make any difference. What the hell do you do when you fall into hell, know you are there, and can’t get the hell out?
At one point I had to reconcile myself with the truth: this felt like hell. My hell. And I didn’t want to be there. I wanted the light. I ached for the light. I yearned for the lightness of my giggle, and my love and my playfulness and my TRUTH. It just wasn’t worth it anymore.
Whatever your “it” is—–it isn’t worth it anymore. Be your bridge over troubled water. Cross over to the light and lightness that is you. Find the laughter that is you. Find the love that is you. Come back. Come back to who you really are. I know sometimes it’s hard. I know sometimes it feels out of control. Foreign. Hopeless. But you ARE the bridge back to you. I will stand here with you, and you with me, until the bridges are solid and firm and towering into the heavens. We will be here for each other. And we will win. Because we want to. And we are magnificent.