Yesterday, I got to experience what few mothers get to experience in their lifetime: being directed by their daughter.
We were on the set of the new short film that Gabrielle wrote, produced, and is directing. She raised the money with her producers, signed the amazing Amy Smart and Taymour Ghazi to star, and invited me to play the prosecutor. I was scared to death!
I know that seems strange. Why wouldn’t I be even more at home and comfortable working with my own daughter?
I think it is because I wanted to be extra prepared and good and responsible for her at the same time my mommy protective instincts were in full swing around the protection and care-taking that is, well, a mommy thing. I wanted to be the very best for her I could be, so every time I went up on a line I was disappointed in … me.
When I got home, a flood of emotions consumed me: exhaustion, elation, pride, disappointment, excitement. It was a roller coaster of judgement versus celebration. I stopped cold.
How does THAT fit into self love? How does THAT allow me to appreciate and bask in this amazing experience with the most important person in my life that I just had experienced?
Boy, did I realize that I was not walking my talk about self-love! And you know what? It didn’t feel good. So, I had a nice talk with Little Deanna, and redirected her to acknowledge herself for doing the very best for herself … and me … that we together could do. I allowed myself to love myself for doing a professional job, and to revel in the joy for my daughter. To watch her run that set with maturity, decisiveness and humor made my heart explode with pride.
What a great day! What a great day to share with her. And what a great realization that you can have it all and not have to pay for it with self judgement and self-admonishment. We simply do not have to betray ourselves and our love and our power that way anymore.
Here’s to many more exciting times creating together, Gabrielle! It was an honor.
“The truth is: Belonging starts with self acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.”
– Brene Brown