I was on the set shooting and the director kept re-directing me. Do it this way…try it that way…what if she responded this way? It drove me frickin crazy. I felt myself going into reaction. First of all, some of the directions, in MY perspective, were not truthful. Secondly, I hate to think my performance is created by multiple choice through different people. So, yes, I fell into that, “I am taking this personally and I am not happy.” I did, in that moment, allow her to define me. It was a choice. Unconscious, yes, and still a choice.
I just worked with my daughter on a hit she took from someone in very much the same way. It happens quickly, but if we are not conscious, can affect us for sometimes a long period of time. So what is the best way to remain conscious so we don’t fall into our own, personal, man-made toilet? It is a simple question:
WHERE IS MY POWER IN RESPONSE TO THIS?
In my case, I had the power to quietly speak with the director about my feelings, why I was making the choices I was making, and how frustrating it was for me to do it several different ways. Instead, I held it all in until I arrived home 14 hours later and burst into tears claiming, “I don’t think I want to act anymore!” Ahhhhhhhhh, the drama!
So, the next day I decided I would share my thoughts and feelings with the director and writer (who had written quite an amazing script). And I did. And I was heard. It was a great day, and I loved to be an actor.
We must never give our self-definition over to anyone else. We must speak our truth to OURSELVES, and then share that truth with whomever might be affecting our sense of self-definition. Know who you are, my beautiful people. Know what is important to you. And when you really know those things, you can share them with love.
Blessings,
DEE
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