OK, I want to continue with what I shared in last week’s eblast about “everyone letting me down.” That is, indeed, how the world presented itself to me. To recap, my cleaning woman didn’t show up, Joanie gave me a two week notice, paychecks didn’t arrive, producer couldn’t do my show, we were filing for divorce (because my son-in-law has been having an affair on my daughter), AND we were moving her back into my home.
You remember, I heard myself proclaim out loud, “Everyone is letting me down.” When you hear yourself say or think perceptions like that, you better believe there is a pony in the poop somewhere. A big one!
Ah-ha! I thought. I got to it!!! I was conscious. I realized the belief that I wanted to let go of, and that’s that. Uh-huh.
I realized I was getting angrier and angrier. I felt like I was exploding inside. On the exterior, I was bravely facing all the challenges before me. Inside, I was creating a nervous breakdown. I woke up at six this morning and my mind was churning. I could feeeeeeel the anger!!! I could not stop the ongoing flow of thoughts that…I didn’t want. Sound familiar? That’s when we say things like, “I don’t want to feel this way, but I CAN’T HELP IT.” And it felt like that was my truth. I threw off the covers and stumbled into the office. I got the pendulum. I got the sheets; Balance and The Sheets I sat down. I got quiet. What did I want to know?
Why am I so angry?
It took me straight to a core belief “that I have to give up myself to take care of the people I love.” Extend that into: I have to give myself up to get what I want/be safe in the world/and keep everyone else safe. I HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF UP. And that, people I love, can only keep creating the same situations where I have to give myself up OR experience that I have to give myself up.
I share this with you because, if you are feeling like “you can’t help it” there is, undoubtedly, another layer for you to peel to get to the pony. As soon as I read the sheets, the anger dissipated, and I felt happy. As soon as I understood what part of ME was fighting ME, I could be free. Keep asking; Ask and You Receive and keep loving yourself. Know You Are the Answer!!! It will set you free.